Cheney Gets to be President for 2 Hours.

WASHINGTON - While US President George W. Bush was anesthetized for a colonoscopy today he imbued the Vice President with the powers of the Presidency. White House sources tell us Dick Cheney spent most of the time between 7am and 9am EST calling friends to say "This is the President of the United States calling." CIA agents and low level West Wing staffers say they grew tired of being summoned into the Oval Office apparently for no purpose. "It was as if once we said "Yes Mr. President?" he had no need for us to be there. He'd just grin and dismiss us" says Bill Leonetti assistant deputy press secretary.

Members of congress were not exempt for this pestering either. "I'm as concerned about the President's health and the chain of succession as anyone." said Dick Gephardt "But I don't need to be awoken at 7:30 in my home on one of my few days off by Dick Cheney just so he can hear me call him Mr. President."

 

 
 

 

 

DeFabio

Sodajerk offers President Polyp Check.

BETHESDA - Sodajerk Daniel DeFabio has volunteered to check George W. Bush for polyps whenever he should need the proceedure in the future. "If the president needs me I'm just a phone call away." says DeFabio. He insists he will forego the use of colonoscopes prefering a manual approach. "I'm a hands-on guy. That high tech equipment is prone to error. I work the old fashioned way." Asked what prompted his offer DeFabio replied he was the type to ask what he could do for his president and not what his president could do for him. "And I always figured Bush had something up his butt."