Bush calls Economy a Hangover

WASHINGTON- President Bush today referred to the current US economic situation as a "hangover" from the go-go nineties. "And if there's one thing I know about it's recovering from hangovers." Bush suggested the nation's economy just needed some greasy eggs and a Bloody Mary. Asked what these metaphors might mean in practical terms the President replied "What metaphors?"

"I see a strong recovery ahead. But if it should get worse before it gets better I'm prepared for that too." The President said that though it was unlikely, the economy could get "the spins" or start "yipping".

"And if the economy blacks out just tell everyone it choked on a pretzel." added the chief executive officer of AmeriCorp.

Trident Accounting Scandals :

Less than 4 of 5 Dentists Endorsed.

An annual audit of The Trident Gum Company has revealed the corporation inflated its numbers in its trademark claim that "4 out of 5 Dentists reccomend Trident for their patients who chew gum." In fact the audit shows the true figure is far less than four.

"We saw only 2.7 dentists making declaratives in support of Trident chewing." said Jim Corrella a CPA with Arthur Andersen who performed the audit. "Apparently the additional 1.3 dentists were actually persons on staff at a subsidiary corporation based in the Kayman Islands. As employees of Trident their testimony is clearly suspect." The transfer of endorsees also allowed the gum company to shelter 1.8 billion in debt.