Downer people to be removed from the system says Bush.

WASHINGTON - U.S. President George W. Bush announced today that so-called "downer" people would be removed from the United States economic system as of February first. The downer people are those who are unable to get themselves to bread basket of American success under their own power. "These people can't lift themselves up by their own boot straps, we don't want them around. I'll tell you another thing. I think the real reason we call them "downers" is because their so damn depressing." Said Bush.

Downer people had previously been called "less fortunate or under privileged" but as with "the homeland" WOMD and "enemy combatant" the new Bush administration term seems destined to stick in the media and with the majority of Americans. Professor Niilo Whippler of the Crookings Institute for Social Policy at UCLA believes the terminology shift paves the way for the policy shift. "When you de-humanize the suffering involved for these people by coining a phrase that specifically removes the elements of compassion and sympathy, it becomes much easier to ignore their plight. An under-privileged person by virtue of their classification only seems to deserve more. It's far easier to dismiss the needs of a "downer".

The President cited a need to get the economy back on track with only those who can carry their own weight participating in the system. "Americans don't like dead weight. They've got bad attitudes. Our message is this: lead, follow or get out of the way." So far Bush has not explained what will be done with the downer people. A white House spokesperson denied rumors that downer people would be "put down". And there has been no official confirmation that President Bush is considering sending all downers to the moon as part of his newly announced space program.