Actor, Gun-Activist Heston Announces Alzheimer's. Again.

LOS ANGELES- The man once called Moses summoned the press to announce yet again that he has Alzheimer's disease. The press conference was the seventh such event in the last month. In his statement, Heston said, "I wanted to prepare a few words for you now because when the time comes, I may not be able to."

But the number of journalists attending Heston's oft-called conferences are steadily decreasing. Many hope some new information will be released but each time are dissappointed to hear the same scripted announcement. Other continue to attend out of respect.

One member of the press corp. admitted it's getting harder and harder to show up to these things and fake shock and suprise just to be polite.

Liza and David Adopt

NEW YORK- Liza Minelli and her beard David Gest have announced they will adopt a child. The child will be renamed Serena by the couple. She is rumored to be either Asian or caucasian in race with a bright smile and extremely feminine features. She is 44 years old and has formerly been known as Michael Jackson.