FCC unwilling to sanction partially exposed boob in White House.

WASHINGTON - The US Justice Department announced today it was launching an investigation into the "partially exposed boob" scandal. John Ashcroft said that the administration had been hearing numerous complaints from decent Americans who were shocked by the recent exposure. "We've listened to the people and if the FCC will not act then the Justice Department must step in. We will not rest until the partially exposed boob is completely exposed."

But Ashcroft and the rest of the Bush administration might want to be sure their own house is in order first. Several sources are now reporting a partially exposed boob in the White House. House Democratic leader Nancy Pillosi says that democrats are working hard to further expose the boob. "We're confident that by the November elections we'll have George W. Bush completely exposed as the boob he is."

 

 

Bush: Ricin is coming! Ricin is coming!

WASHINGTON - President Bush, concerned over growing criticism of his policies in the media and from Democratic candidates, announced the latest incident in Project Mass Distraction.

In what is being portrayed as a terrorist attack an envelope with the white powder ricin was found in Bill Frist's office.

Bush said "I have a great deal of experience with envelopes containing a little white powder. This isn't anything that will stop America from living as we want to live."

 

 

 

 

On Language by William Satire.

For a mostly mono-syllabic C-grade student, our President certainly has made more than his share of contributions to our modern lexicon. Some highlights or perhaps nadirs follow.

Evil Doer - them, those that are not us.

Homeland - This folksie turn on "our country" reinforces isolationist and unilateralist sentiments. Apparently "America" lacked the patriotism required to whip the nation into a state of fear and jingoism. See also Fatherland.

May God Continue to Bless America - because there can be no doubt that He has already done so. Our leader's actions have implicitly been blessed by the almighty.

Permission Slip - formerly known as International Law.

Pre-emptive Strike - When we hit them because we feel like it without declaring war.

Strategery - The ability to keep the nation focussed on exaggerated threats whle pillaging their pocket books and raping their civil rights.

Terrorism - When they hit us because they feel like it without declaring war in English. A proper Homelander can not be expected to recognized the word Jihad is a declaration of war.

Unpatriotic - Dissent from the policies of the President.

WOMD - Weapons of Mass Destruction, the term conjures the requisite spectre of menace and implies worst case scenarii such as nuclear winter. The new moniker is a broad enough category to include nuclear bombs on down to germs. I shoul be noted that WOMD are wht they have. The far more massive and destructive weapons we have (in plain sight) are called Strategic Defense Assetts. Thus WOMD also have a strange quatuum quality; the never exist where you are looking for them.

 

 

 
written by Adam Belanoff and Daniel DeFabio posted 2/5/04