US in full agreement with UK report on Iraq written by US.

LONDON - Prime Minister Tony Blair stunned several by reading the results of a study of Iraq's potential to threaten the world. US President George W. Bush was on hand to to witness the speech and grimly nodded through out. While the substance of Blair's remarks offered nothing new, several members of Parliament were stunned to notice he was able to continue to speak even while Bush drank a glass of water.

After the session concluded President Bush spoke briefly to the press. "Sadam can't fool us anymore. We've got an old Who song in Texas, I'm not sure if you have it here in London as well but we have it in Texas and it goes "We don't get fooled again." And we don't." The carefully scripted moment was clearly a re-write of Bush's similar but botched sentiment in Tennessee on September 17:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on [confused pause] shame on you. Fool me a ...hey can't get fooled again."

Meanwhile France, also convinced by Blair's report that Iraq was a clear and present danger to global security, promptly surrendered to Saddam.

The World Reacts to Iraq

-by Niilo Tippler

The seeming inevitability of war with Iraq, and the announcement of surrender by France, has prompted other national governments to announce their own plans in the event of hostilities:

  • Switzerland has said it will not be directly involved in the conflict but will hold all coats, watches, wallets and jewelry for the participants.
  • Brazil has also declined direct involvement but has agreed to cheer for whoever is winning.
  • India and Pakistan have said they will join the fray, but only if they can also fire their nukes at each other.
  • Canada has said it would "like to participate but it's too busy what with Ice Hockey season coming up and all".
  • Italy has said that it would be happy to join the battle, but reserves the right to pull out halfway through.

 

Folksie Wisdom.

 

Blue and White to Sue Red.

WASHINGTON - The colors Blue and White have joined together in a breach of contract suit against the color Red. The suit claims Red is in violation of their threeway partnership agreement which dates back over 200 years.

White cited recent promotional campaigns such as "Red, Hot and Blue" as evidence that the palest color was being slighted. Likewise Blue was able to point to the campaign "Red, White and Cool". A lawyer for the jilted hues read a statement from his clients; "It takes three colors to represent this nation. If we were left with just Red do you know what we'd have? The flag of China! Is that what you people want?"

 

posted 10/6/02 - DeFabio