Washington’s Politics Industry Shuts Down Until June 8.

WASHINGTON- The biggest industry in Washington DC has shut itself down for nearly two months following the discovery that two professional political performers have tested positive for PAC. The Politics Industry, which has always been self policing when it comes to Political Action Committee funds and their potential to spread through the politics business, voluntarily quarantined the two unnamed performers, one male and one female.
Critics are amazed it has taken this long for a problem to come to light. “In an industry where people are paid to screw each other, the risk that this corruption could spread was always there. It’s the dirty little secret in politics, everybody uses PAC money and not everybody gets tested.”
The industry hopes that the shut down will allow them to resume work on June 8 without risk of further corruption.

People for the Ethical Treatment of People

by Matt Neuenburg and Daniel DeFabio
Every day billions of innocent living creatures are kept in cruel inhumane conditions, deprived of natural light, provided only water and often expected to endure the excrement that falls upon them from the creatures above them. They do this under harsh fluorescent lighting confined in cubicles less than ten feet square with a chronically ringing bell to ensure they do not sleep. They are released from these cages on average less than one hour in an eight hour period.

What are these poor creatures? Beef cattle? Silver sables? Fatted hogs? No they are human beings. Men and women forced to toil in oppressive confining spaces no free range animal should endure. Now there is a group dedicated to stopping these atrocities; People for the Ethical Treatment of People (PETPe). For more information contact your local chapter of PETPe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

American Apathy Society Has Trouble Gaining Members

HOLLYWOOD - The founders of the American Apathy Society were out canvasing in Hollywood, California today but reported little success getting people to sign up for their mailing list. “It a very simple form we don’t ask a lot. We know our base. The form simple says “I don’t care.” And then you fill in your name and contact information. There’s nothing any one can disagree with really.” Said David Zambrello one of the AAS founders.
But despite this ease of use and tailoring their message to their audience the group was only able to gather three new names on the busy street corner of Hollywood and Highland. Tourists and locals alike gather and the shopping and entertainment district but few seemed to care enough to not care.
A few did ask what was in it for them. Zambrello explains “There’s not much to it. You sign up and in five to six weeks or whenever we get around to it we send off an email that says “You recently joined the American Apathy Society. We don’t care.” And that’s it.”

 

 

 
posted 4/18/04