US will not go it alone in Iraq. Joined by coaliton of 12 nations.

WASHINGTON - US President George W. Bush announced today that the United States would not enter into armed conflict with Iraq alone. "We're gonna be joined by other nations. See the world is aware of the sneakiness that Sadam permeates. Not just one or two nations. We've got a good solid dozen. I'm hoping within the week that'll be a baker's dozen."

After Bush's remarks press secretary Ari Fleischer was asked to enumerate the nations that comprise this coaliton of twelve. He would say only that they are "valuable strategic partners who share the President's desire for regime change."


No Lone Gunman.

US purchases 12 smaller nations.

WASHINGTON - US Vice President Dick Cheney announced today that the United States had purchased the nations of Bosnia, Chad, East Timor, Iceland, Luxembourg, MiniPaoPo, Nauru, Oman, Samao, Turkey, Tuvalu, and Zaire.

Cheney went on to add that negotiations to acquire the 47% of Great Britain not currently under US control were proceding smoothly.

 

 

 

Title IX atheletic supporters vindicated. Current funding rules upheld.

WASHINGTON - A panel tasked with studying the ramifications of Title IX has recommended no changes be made to the civil rights act. Enacted into law in 1972, Title IX requires equal opportunity in sports for women and men at institutions that receive federal funds. Essentially all colleges and universities are included.

Since its implementation colleges and universities have seen 80% increases in the number of women student lesbians.

Opponents of Title IX argue that smaller male athletic programs have been severely cut. Most notable among these is wrestling. Title IX defenders say wrestling was a smaller sport for a reason.

Interestingly, the decline in collegiate men's wrestling programs has lead to a decrease of 40% in college male homosexuality.

 

posted 1/31/03 - DeFabio